A World to Believe In
by ibelieveinthegood
Summary: After struggling to build a family with Derek, Meredith's life is changed in the clinic one day. Touched by the story of a little boy and girl, she realizes what she and Derek need to do. Will they get their family? Rated high T, borderline M for subject.
1. Brief Introduction

**This is the last thing I should be doing. Seriously. lol.**

I came up with the premise for this fic… mmm… maybe in November 2009. I wrote the first update, and then have left it at that. But I was cleaning out my computer documents and I saw this fic and was like "Awww…"

So anyways, now I have two banked (three in total). :) So I won't update again until I get another one finished, and so on, just so I can keep going. Hopefully, once I get into a set rhythm for school this semester, updates should be fairly regular.

Also, by no means am I an expert in any of these processes. You'll know what I mean once we get into the nitty gritty of the story. ;)

As always, thank you so much for reading. Drop a comment if you can, I love hearing your thoughts – good or bad. I really appreciate it. Thanks!

This isn't set in a certain time, I suppose you could say it's borderline-AU. George is alive. Izzie never got cancer. But they're all still best friends.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters associated with the television series, et al. However, unfamiliar names are all mine – as is/are their original story/ies. All songs used in the making of this fic are the property of the respective artists and recording companies. I'm just playing with them. ;)

First update will be posted Monday (February 1st) evening.

**Lyrics that inspired the fic:**

A World to Believe In – Celine Dion  
_  
I've seen the tears and the heartache, and I felt the pain  
I've seen the hatred in so many lives, and lost in vain  
And yet through this darkness there's always a light that shines through  
And takes me back home  
Takes me back home_

All of the promises broken  
And all of the songs left unsung  
Seems so far away as I make my way back to you

[Chorus:]  
You gave me faith and you gave me a world to believe in  
You gave me your love to believe in  
And feeling this love I can rise up above  
And be strong and be whole once again

I know that dreams we hold on to, can just fade away  
And I know that words can be wasted, with so much to say  
And I when I feel helpless there's always a hope that shines through  
And makes me believe  
Makes me believe

And I see for one fleeting moment  
A paradise under the sun  
I drift away and I make my way back to you

[Chorus:]

[Bridge:]  
Life goes on  
Can leave us with sorrow and pain  
And I hold on  
To all that you are  
To all that we'll be  
And I can go on once again

[Chorus: x2]

Because your love hears my soul once again  
I can live and I can dream once again  
Because you made me believe


	2. Taking Chances

**So, here we are, the beginning of a new story. I shouldn't be nervous, but no matter how many times I post a fic or oneshot or whatever, I still get nervous! So be kind, lol.**

But seriously, I hope you enjoy this fic. I'm really enjoying writing it! Share your thoughts with me (good or bad) because I adore reading them. Today will be a long day, with back to back to back classes until 5 p.m., driving home in rush hour traffic, and then closing at my job. C'est la vie.

I'm hoping I can update again by Thursday, but I have to write a paper on a Colonial legacy for History class, lmao, and it's due Wednesday. We'll see how it goes. :P

Anywho, this is enough rambling on my part... x3 (Though you should be used to it by now, lol)

Thanks for your time! :) 

**********

**Chapter One: Taking Chances**

_I just want to start again,  
And maybe you could show me how to try,  
And maybe you could take me in,  
Somewhere underneath your skin?_

What do you say to taking chances,  
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below  
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,  
What do you say,  
What do you say?

Taking Chances – Celine Dion

Meredith Grey sighed as she stirred the pasta sauce on the stove. She turned the flame down slightly – it was already bubbling, heated to the perfect temperature. She chewed on her lower lip as she glanced back to the noodles box; it promised that the noodles would be ready in seven to nine minutes, but it had already been eleven, and they didn't seem tender enough. She blew her bangs off of her forehead in an exasperated sigh.

She moved to the kitchen table, where stacks of important papers – bills, letters from her husband's family, notes from the dog sitter, and perhaps most importantly, the brochures and forms she had picked up today – were spread over the surface. Meredith stacked them into one neat pile, the papers she picked up on her way home from work on top, and pushed them to the opposite side of the table. She smirked to herself as she lit a votive candle in the center of the table – _'for ambiance'_.

The noodles bubbled away on the stove and the oven beeped; everything was nearly perfect. Meredith grinned as she heard the garage door opening and the huge, playful mutt they adopted from the shelter a few months ago thundered toward the door to greet her husband. She turned the burner off – those noodles had to be fully cooked by now – and dumped them into the waiting colander in the sink. Her heart was nearly beating out of her chest, pure excitement bubbling from within, as she heard Derek step into the house and greet Doc.

She dumped the noodles into the pot with the sauce, and she silently thanked the 'Ragu Gods' for making her life that much easier. She pulled the rolls out of the oven and dumped them into the breadbasket.

"Honey, I'm home," Derek teased as she quickly moved to place the basket on the table. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Whoa… you cooked?"

"I boiled noodles and jar sauce… put some of those frozen rolls into the oven for ten minutes… and dumped the pre-made salad out of the bag and into a bowl," she explained with a smirk. "Not exactly cooking."

He kissed her cheek before shrugging out of his coat. "It's the thought that counts, right?" he replied happily – they were the picture of domestic bliss.

She nodded and bit her lip. "How was your day?" she asked, her tone hopeful, almost expectant, as she led him toward the table.

"Long," he sighed as he sat down in his seat at the head of the table. "Two craniotomies, several new patient consults, and a meeting with the board," Derek elaborated as he scooped some of the leafy green lettuce into the bowl that Meredith had placed in front of him. She nodded, butterflies flapping away in her stomach. "Yours?"

"Oh, it was fine," she said softly as she sat down beside him. "I had some kids in the clinic today, but other than that, it was pretty quiet…," she added as she bit her lip again – surely she'd bite it off if she kept on this way, right? It wasn't quite the truth, but it wasn't a lie, either.

Derek nodded as he took a big bite of the pasta. He glanced toward the stack of papers on the table; surprise registered on his face as he read the words on the brochure. "What's this?" he asked, his mouth still full as he reached over and grabbed the stack of papers. He swallowed hard; his face paled slightly. "Meredith?"

"What's what?" she gulped.

"'How to become a foster parent' brochure?" he clarified, though she knew exactly what he was talking about. "Meredith," Derek sighed.

"Don't 'Meredith' me," she replied, her cheeks burning bright red.

He pushed his plate away from him and folded his arms across his chest. He didn't look angry – in fact, he looked more amused (and confused) than anything. "I thought you wanted to wait a few more months, keep trying… or look into international adoption."

Unexpected tears filled her eyes. "I can't keep doing this, Derek," she confessed as a single tear trickled down her cheek. "I can't keep waiting, hoping, wishing … month after month that one of these damn tests comes back positive. I can't have another miscarriage, I just… I can't do it anymore."

His expression softened as he leaned over and ran the pad of his thumb over his cheek, wiping her tear away.

"We've done everything we're supposed to, Derek. We've been married for four years. We have good jobs, a nice house, a dog… and we want kids. I know that we're ready for this," she added, her spiel quickly becoming a Meredith-ramble.

"I know," he soothed. She stood up and took their plates with her; she dropped them into the sink and turned the water on. He bit his tongue, knowing that he shouldn't tell her he was still hungry, that he was going to eat that, knowing that he should just ride this little rant out.

"I just… we've had three miscarriages. Failed attempts with IVF and sperm and egg donation. We can't keep living like this!" she rambled as she scraped the pasta into the sink, anger flashing in her eyes.

"I agree," he said softly. He stood and crossed the room and stepped into the kitchen. He turned the garbage disposal and water off before wrapping his strong arms around her. He felt her soften in his arms; a sob escaped her as she turned and pressed her head to his chest. "Shh," he soothed as he rocked her, "shh." He rubbed her back in slow circles as she grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. They stayed there for a few long minutes, wrapped in one another's embrace, safe and warm and … steady, somehow… as he waited for her tears to subside.

He pulled away and grabbed her hand; he led her into the living room. He sat her down on the couch. "I'll be right back," he said as he turned and walked back toward the kitchen.

She wiped her cheek. This was not the way she wanted to broach the subject; she wanted to be calm, and rational, and strong when she explained it to him. But now… how would he ever see her side of things? Meredith sighed as she wiped her eyes again, effectively smearing the mascara all over her face.

Derek returned moments later, the brochures and forms in hand. He sat down beside her, smiled, and said, "Tell me about it."

-xXx-

_**Twelve hours earlier…**_

"Grey, you're in the clinic today," Miranda Bailey ordered, nodding in Meredith's general direction. Meredith smiled contentedly – though she was a surgeon, she secretly loved working in the free clinic at the hospital. It was nice to work with those less fortunate than she and her colleagues, to see the glimmers of hope in the patients' eyes, and it gave her a chance to reflect, to take a moment to renew her faith in medicine, a way to reaffirm that her decision to become a doctor was worth it and that she had made the right career choice. In such a fast-paced environment - where decisions were, nine times of ten, life or death – it was easy to forget that. Meredith sighed happily as she listened to the rest of the resident's directions; when Bailey dismissed Meredith and her friends–Alex, George, Cristina, Izzie … all fourth year residents like she – she quickly turned on her heel and headed toward the elevator.

She glanced to her wristwatch – it was only quarter past six, she'd have plenty of time to grab a coffee from the cart by the gift shop before heading down to the clinic. The elevator chimed and the door opened; she grinned as she came face to face with her husband.

"Good morning," she greeted him as she stepped into the elevator.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and breathed in the scent of her hair. "Morning. Whose service are you on today?"

"Clinic," Meredith said with a smile.

"Mmm," Derek replied. "I'll see if I can sneak you up to Neuro."

She grinned – being married to the new Neurosurgery attending certainly had its benefits. "Nah, I like the clinic; you know that, Derek," she replied. He nodded. "But I think Cristina's in Peds, so if you wanna rescue someone…"

"I'll page her," Derek finished as the elevator chimed, notifying them that they had reached Meredith's destination. "Have a good day," he called out after her.

She turned around, walking backwards toward the clinic, and smiled. She offered him a timid wave and blew him an air-kiss; he caught it and placed it in his lab coat pocket. She rolled her eyes and blushed – had they really become that couple? She turned around as the elevator doors shut and Derek was out of sight once again and she almost missed him… **yeah, they had become that couple.**

She shook her head and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail as she made her way into the clinic.

Meredith was greeted by a few nurses and another resident, Dr. Sydney Heron. "Morning, Dr. Grey!" Sydney chirped, smiling as she handed the younger doctor a stack of charts.

"Good morning, Dr. Heron," Meredith replied with a tight-lipped smile. She flipped through the charts.

"Are you ready to 'heal with love'?" the perky brunette doctor cooed. Meredith resisted the urge to roll her eyes; instead, she nodded and smiled enthusiastically as she continued to look through the charts. "Oh," Sydney added, lowering her voice to a near whisper.

"He's here with a foster mother," she warned. "It's a messy, messy situation. He gets extra special care."

Meredith glued her eyes to the chart. Six-year-old Noah Reilly was in with a suspected broken arm – but he was presenting other bruises and signs of malnourishment, too. Meredith winced; Sydney nodded sadly.

"His two-year-old sister, Emilie, is here, too, but we can't really admit her, Dr. Grey. You know that. We can only do it if we document everything on Noah and involve the police," Sydney explained sadly. "But she's got a lot of the same symptoms. I requested you specifically for this case, Meredith. If anyone could deal with this and get that little boy to talk, it's you."

Meredith nodded and smiled sadly; Sydney offered her a sympathetic shoulder squeeze. "Let's go, Grey. Curtain one."

Meredith held the charts tightly to her chest as she stepped toward the curtain-enclosed patient rooms. She opened the colorful curtain and stepped into the enclosure. Pulling the curtain shut behind her, she greeted her patient. "Hi, Noah," she said with a reassuring smile, trying not to react to the bruise on the little boy's cheek. "But you can call me Meredith."

"Hiya, Meredith," the little boy replied with a big, toothless grin.

Meredith placed the closed chart on the counter. She turned to greet the antsy foster mother. "Mrs. Johnson," she said with a tight-lipped smile and a tense handshake. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"He fell off the monkey bars at the playground; he must have landed funny," the large, boisterous blonde woman replied, rolling her eyes as she bounced a withdrawn little girl in her lap.

"This morning?" Meredith asked, though she knew it wasn't even likely – it wasn't even seven AM yet. Her stomach dropped as Noah shook his head.

"No, yesterday," his foster mother said quickly, avoiding eye contact with Meredith. "It didn't look nearly that **awful **last night."

Meredith's smile fell as she examined the little boy's arm. "Well, buddy, I'd say you need a cast, but let's get you x-rayed to double check. Hop into this wheelchair and we'll make a visit to Dr. Torres."

Noah smiled as he hopped off of the exam table. "Cool!" he grinned.

"This could take a while, Mrs. Johnson. Why don't you take little miss Emilie here down to the cafeteria?" Meredith offered, pulling a few cafeteria vouchers out of the cupboard. "There should be fruits… juices… milk, cereal… something she likes down there. Get something for yourself, too."

Mrs. Johnson smiled as she stood; Emilie buried her head in her foster mother's chest. Meredith helped get Noah settled into the wheelchair and led the way out of the room. She pointed Mrs. Johnson in the direction of the cafeteria and whisked her tiny patient away.

"Alright, buddy," she said as she scooped him out of the wheelchair once they reached the x-ray room. He winced and grimaced at her tender touch. "Sorry… did you get hurt there when you fell off the monkey bars, too?"

Noah shook his head. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, Meredith. But I fell off the top bunk. We haven't been to the playground in ages."

Meredith chewed on her lower lip, her heart sinking further. "How did you fall out of your top bunk?"

"The railing's busted," he replied with a shrug. "I guess I rolled too much."

"Oh… well, I have to do a full exam now, bud. Just to make sure you didn't get hurt anywhere else. You sit back and relax," she explained as she draped the lead apron over the little boy. He nodded. "I'll grab my kit while Thomas over here takes some pictures… and be right back with Dr. Torres, okay?"

"Okay," he replied.

Meredith turned on her heel and exited the room; her heart broke. Here was this little kid, who was so broken, so pale… yet remained innocent and sweet.

Within minutes, Callie had looked over the x-rays with Meredith; they paged Sydney right away. Moments later, people from social services and the psych unit had swarmed the exam room they moved him to and were examining the little boy as Callie set his arm in a cast. His body was covered with bruises of varying age, size and color. His arm – as well as three ribs – was indeed broken. Meredith did her best to distract the little boy.

After all of Noah's injuries had been documented – and the Seattle Police Department and the Reilly's caseworker were contacted – social services spoke with Tracy Johnson, Noah's foster mother. She was a single, borderline-impoverished widow who had three grown children and was looking after a total of six young foster children. There had only ever been one suspicious act of abuse or neglect in her file; however, she passed every previous inspection with flying colors.

As they were talking to Tracy, Meredith and Sydney were examining Emilie. Luckily, she didn't have any broken bones – just a few bruises here and there. Both children were significantly underweight for their age. Emilie also wasn't very social; her speech skills were poor and she avoided eye contact with Meredith.

Hours later, the children were placed into protective custody and Tracy was arrested. The other four kids in her care were also examined; each of them presented similar symptoms as Noah and Emilie. Noah had given Meredith a hug before he left with the social worker; he gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek and a whispered 'thank you'. Tears lined her eyes as he pulled away and grabbed the social worker's hand; he offered her a tiny wave before they disappeared from sight.

A tear escaped her eye and trickled down her cheek as she waved back. Sydney wrapped her arm around Meredith's shoulder in a protective hug. "What now?" Meredith asked as she wiped her tear away.

"Now?" Sydney replied, shaking her head. "Now she goes to court, and all those kids go back into the system. It's a waiting game."

Meredith shook her head. "That... sucks," Meredith sighed. "I wish there were something I could do."

Silence surrounded them for a beat. "There is," Sydney replied. "There is." 

-xXx-

Meredith looked up at Derek with tear-filled eyes. "Dr. Heron got Izzie to cover the rest of my shift and I called the social worker. I met with them for lunch – she agreed to bring Noah and Emilie with her. He was such a brave boy… so protective of his little sister," Meredith explained as a tear trickled down her cheek.

Derek smiled. "I have a feeling there's more… go on," he said softly.

"We took them to the playground; she needed to observe them, and I had some questions. She taught me all about the process… what we'd have to do to be prepared, what we need to have in the house," Meredith explained. "I asked her if there was a chance that, should we agree to this and get approved and go through the necessary preparations, Noah and Emilie would be placed with us."

"And?" Derek asked, watching as Meredith's eyes grew wide.

She sighed. "She said there's really no guarantee… but if she becomes our caseworker that she'd try," Meredith explained. "These kids have no one, Derek. Nothing. No family, no clean clothes, no… literally, nothing," she said with a sad sigh. "And here we are, two happily married people who could give them everything and anything, who want and can support kids… and we can't have them. It doesn't make any fucking_ sense_! And I know we were discussing international adoptions – I know that, I do, and maybe one day we still can, but right now…"

"There are hundreds of thousands of kids here in the US who need families and homes," Derek said, interrupting her but completing her sentence. Meredith nodded enthusiastically. "So," he said, smiling at her, "what's step one?"

-xXx-


	3. It's Your Life

**Wow! Thanks for your WONDERFUL response to this story! I am shocked! lol! Thank you, thank you, thank you! :D**

So, an anonymous commenter here (sorry I couldn't reply to only you, lol) asked if Derek would cheat on Meredith and knock Addison up in this fic. It seems that my reputation for being an Addek fan precedes me! lol! However, in this story, Meredith and Derek are truly, madly, deeply in love – and there will not be any cheating. I can guarantee it. All will be explained in the next few updates. Addison is a very good friend of Derek and Meredith's – they only met after needing to see a specialist. There's not a scary background, no divorce or anything, so don't worry about that. That storyline – about Derek cheating and getting Addy pregnant – had never even actually crossed my mind, and it certainly won't come to fruition in this fic.

This fic is about their journey to becoming parents, and the love that Meredith and Derek have for one another, and the love, want and need that they have for a family. Nothing else. So don't be waiting for the Wicked Witch of the East to show up – I promise that any of Addison's appearances will be strictly business (mostly in flashbacks, to be quite honest).

Oh, also, like I said in my original note – I'm not an expert on infertility or the foster care process. I'm the first to admit it. All I know is what the Google Gods tell me. And if something's not entirely accurate, I apologize – and please, feel free to PM me or shoot me an e-mail, and I'll correct it! I'd really appreciate it.

Also, the fic will focus LESS on the infertility and foster care/adoption processes… and MORE on the journey they make as they form a family. If that makes any sense at all…

Thanks for reading! Hope you like this update! :)

-xXx-

Chapter Two: It's Your Life

_This is the moment  
It's on the line  
Which way you gonna fall?  
In the middle, between wrong and right  
But you know, after all..._

It's your life  
Whatcha gonna do?  
The world is watching you  
Every day, the choices you make  
Say what you are and who your heart beats for  
Its an open door  
It's your life

~ It's Your Life, Francesca Battistelli

**APPROXIMATELY THREE WEEKS LATER**

It was all moving at warp speed... the seasons were changing – from late summer to early fall, the air was becoming cooler now – emotions and familial bonds were growing, changing, becoming stronger... it was all coming in to place as Meredith and Derek were taking the necessary steps to become foster parents. They attended the preparation class through the agency, their friends and family were supportive and helpful... it all just seemed so... _easy_.

Of course, the dark and twisty side of Meredith – though she wanted to move on, she wanted to have a child… maybe even _children_… to give the world to, she really did – had scary feelings that even Derek couldn't fix. What if their application got denied? What if the kids that the system paired them up with weren't a good match? What if Meredith and Derek couldn't be enough for a traumatized child?

What if it was Meredith… what if she couldn't be enough for a child – let alone one who had been through countless traumas and situations of varying safety and love?

What if she wasn't meant to be a mother? She'd had three miscarriages – one at eight weeks, one at ten weeks, and one at thirteen weeks… each time they prayed and hoped and wished that they'd all make it through the forty weeks… but each time, the outcome was the same. They'd tried IVF – but only once – and were unsuccessful. In a moment of complete desperation, Meredith suggested egg donation – and even that didn't work. Neither did sperm donation.

What if it just wasn't in the cards for them to become parents?

She knew Derek would be a great father; his four sisters – Kathleen, Nancy, Sarah and Madeline – each had several children, and he was an excellent uncle. His eyes lit up when he was with his nieces and nephews. He made sure to spend equal time with all fifteen of them each time he and Meredith visited the East Coast – and of course, their 'favorite Uncle Derek' spoiled them rotten. Even the eldest niece – Elizabeth, who was seventeen… a fun, fearless and independent young woman – called Derek from time to time seeking advice.

But Meredith? She only had two half sisters – Lexie and Molly. Molly had a daughter, Laura, who was just about three, but they didn't communicate much after Molly and Lexie's mother passed away – so Meredith didn't even know the little girl she had helped deliver. Lexie was still in Medical School – just about to graduate – she wasn't anywhere near ready to have children.

None of her friends had children either – they were all too busy trying to climb to the top of the 'surgical food chain.'

She loved Derek's nieces and nephews – especially two little ones, twins named Annabel and Matthew – she really did… but somehow it wasn't the same.

These thoughts and more kept Meredith awake – always thinking, worrying, overanalyzing – at night, almost breaking her spirit.

Almost.

Until she thought of Noah and Emilie and the sadness that enveloped their case. She thought of Noah and how he trusted her enough to tell the truth. She thought of precious Emilie, who clearly needed more attention than she was receiving. She thought of the bruises that covered their tiny bodies, how underdeveloped and sad and scared and lonely and worse… hungry… they each had to be.

Deep inside, Meredith knew she could be someone's parent. That thought kept her going most days, and it was usually enough for her to focus on.

Three weeks. That's all the time that passed since Meredith first told Derek about Noah and Emilie, since they signed up for the preparation classes, since they first told their friends that they were going to – _one way or another_ – become parents.

Izzie – Meredith's close friend, a bubbly blonde – was visibly ecstatic. She squealed with delight and hugged both Meredith and Derek tightly, bouncing around excitedly for her friends and their impending 'joy.' Alex – admittedly the male version of Meredith – hugged Meredith close and pressed a kiss to her golden hair, whispering words of congratulations. Mark, Owen and George – ever the manly men – shook Derek's hand and hugged Meredith, each offering a stiff "Congratulations." Callie and Miranda – two unlikely friends, each of the strong women so completely different – began chattering away, planning things almost immediately.

Cristina – Meredith's best friend, aside from Derek of course – reacted differently. She was stone quiet, her face blank and emotion-free. Meredith had pulled her aside soon after, confronting the dark-haired woman.

_ "What the hell, Cristina?" Meredith accused, her eyes blazing and blood pressure skyrocketing._

"What the hell what?" Cristina challenged, narrowing her eyes at her best friend. She crossed her arms over her chest.

Meredith sighed. "You just… we told you that we're going to become foster parents… and you don't say a word? You're my best friend!"

"Yeah, I am your best friend. And Meredith, I think it's really great that you're becoming foster parents – you and Derek are doing a wonderful, thoughtful, caring thing. I do. And I'm happy for you."

"So what the hell is your issue?" Meredith demanded, her voice wavering and still angry.

Cristina took a deep breath. "I am really happy for you, Mer. If any two people in the world deserve to have kids, it's you and Derek. But – you're becoming foster parents, Meredith. Foster parents. It's not permanent." Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but Cristina held her hand up in front of her friend's face. "Don't think about interrupting me, Grey," she sassed.

"I know that maybe, someday, you could adopt the kids who are placed in your care – but sometimes extenuating circumstances unfortunately come to light, and it could all be over. You're my person, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't take these kids in. If you want them, have them. Have a million of them. But remember that it's mostly temporary – you might have to let go. Could you do that, Meredith? Could you willingly give up a kid you take care of? Could you get rid of that demon dog you have?"

Tears pooled in Meredith's eyes; she bit her lower lip and shook her head 'no.'

Cristina paused for a moment, carefully watching Meredith before she spoke again. "I don't want you to get hurt again. You're finally back to normal… I was there through the miscarriages and the failed trial-and-errors, Mer. And I'll be there through this no matter what. It's not that I'm not happy for you, because I am. I genuinely, truly am."

"Cristina," Meredith whispered, her voice cracking ever so slightly.

"I just…"

"Thank you," Meredith interrupted, wrapping her arms around Cristina, effectively cutting her best friend's speech off. And nothing else needed to be said – they had come to a mutual understanding, what needed to be said was said. Worries and concerns were there, of course… but as the best friends embraced, the worries and concerns – both unspoken and spoken – slowly dissolved – along with the thick fog of tension – and a content happiness surrounded them.

Meredith smiled at the memory before sipping from her steaming mug of coffee. She sat at the island countertop in the kitchen, perched on a barstool, flipping through brochures and pamphlets from Home Depot and Target. It was a Saturday morning, and both she and Derek had the day off. They were nearing the end of their course – each still as excited and enthusiastic, even through their fears, as they had been when they started. It was happening, and for once in… years… everything was working out the way it should.

"Good morning," Derek greeted her has padded into the kitchen. He yawned and stretched before pressing a soft kiss to Meredith's cheek and sitting down on the barstool beside her.

"Mornin'," she chirped, setting her mug down onto the counter.

"See anything you like in there?" Derek asked, motioning toward the catalogs on the island.

"Mmm," she hummed and nodded. Meredith flipped to a certain page. "I think we should do a boy's room in blues and greens," she offered with a slight shrug. "Maybe do a jungle theme, like the one here. Or one with cars or trains…"

"And for a girl?" he asked, his eyes sparkling as he watched her flip through the magazine.

"There really isn't a set theme," she mumbled, her facial expression folding into a frown. "But I was thinking… painting it lavender with baby yellow accents… white bedding… I don't know."

"Sounds perfect." He leaned over and kissed her cheek again.

They were speaking in hypotheticals, of course, for nothing was set yet. Though Julia Dawson – who was the Reilly children's caseworker, and theirs now, too – was busting her ass to get them boy-and-girl siblings, preferably Noah and Emilie, of course, there were still plenty of hoops that they all had to jump through. But over many meetings with Julia and the people in the support group, Meredith and Derek decided that optimism was the way to go… so here they were, planning and preparing, full steam ahead.

She chewed on her lower lip. "Julia is setting up our interview soon, so when is your next day off?"

"I can take whenever off, Mer. It's the beauty of being everyone's favorite Neurosurgeon."

"You are so…," Meredith teased, smiling at her husband.

"So what?"

She shook her head. "You know what you are," she said with a wink. "We should get going, catch an early ferry. I think there are some sales going on. I have to shower and get changed, and then we can go?"

"Sounds like a plan," he replied with a smile.

She stood from her barstool and turned, happiness evident in her eyes. Derek stood, too, and pulled her close, eliciting a squeal of surprise from his wife. He kissed her – hard – taking her breath away. She returned the kiss, deepening their connection instantly.

"I love you," she said against his lips.

He kissed her again before returning the sentiment. "I love you too."

He kissed her once more, wanting so badly to stay in that moment, but of course they couldn't – they had things to do, places to be, and a new life to prepare for.

-xXx-


	4. I Just Call You Mine

**Eeks, it's been several days since I've updated. My bad, peeps. Thanks for your patience and, as always, your GREAT comments! It's been a busy few days for me: writing several papers, studying for exams and, perhaps most excitingly, watching the New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl and make history! Geaux Saints! WHO DAT?!**

I'm a born and raised Detroit girl, so for the Saints - a team who previously had a, um, less than stellar record, much like my own Lions - to go all the way like that... it seriously brought tears to my eyes. It gave me hope, in a way. I'm pretty sure it's hormones (or whoremones, as we like to call them on the backup board). NOLA needed that win. :)

Whatever, it just gives me some hope. And I think we all need a little of that from time to time. ;)

I hope this story gives you hope in a way, too. :P

I should learn to quit it with the long ass AN's and just post what you're all the most interested in.

PS. There's a mega snow storm floating through my neck of the woods right now - I'm not holding my breath for a snow day tomorrow, but it IS supposed to steadily snow until 10 AM tomorrow with the brunt of it happening from midnight to 5 AM. But just in case I do get a snow day... I'm pretty sure I'll update again tomorrow. ;)

PPS. Kimmy, you intimidate me. :ph34r: I probably WILL eff it up. LOL.

Thanks for reading/commenting!

**Chapter Three: I Just Call You Mine**

_I fall apart  
And just a word from you  
Somehow seems to fix  
Whatever's wrong, ohh  
You reach into the weakest moments and remind me that I'm strong  
You gotta know  
I'd be a fool not to see or even worse to forget  
That you're more than I deserve_

Cause everyone that sees you  
Always wants to know you  
And everyone that knows you  
Always has a smile  
You're a standing ovation  
After years of waiting  
For a chance to finally shine  
Everyone calls you amazing  
I just call you mine

I Just Call You Mine – Martina McBride

Meredith and Derek walked side by side down the aisles at Target, each pushing the signature red shopping buggy, where they decided to go first, seeking inspiration. And though they didn't know whom for certain the children were, they did request certain age groups – infant to eight years old – and the agency sent them a list of necessary items that children of those ages would need.

One cart was already full – diapers, blankets, children's socks and underwear … and more – and they were working on a second. They ordered a car seat and a booster seat, along with a crib, a toddler-sized bed and a high chair. The 'guest rooms' (the spare rooms that would soon be redecorated) already had some basic furniture in them – dressers, nightstands and full sized beds, so that also helped cut costs, although money was no object for them. They chose to remain positive, knowing in their hearts and heads that they would eventually be matched with children to love.

They reached the bedding aisle soon after, and Meredith found exactly what she had previously envisioned for a little boy's room.

"It's perfect," she gushed, turning to Derek, who smiled at her and nodded in agreement. She picked the package up – bright, solid blue sheets and matching pillowcase – and tossed it into the cart. Derek reached for the comforter – the one with the patches of cars on it – and pillow sham and added it to the cart. There were matching curtains and a small rug, too, all of which were added to their growing purchase.

Derek smiled at Meredith and admired her excitement and happiness – after the last few years, he had begun to wonder if she'd ever smile again. But her eyes regained their sparkle and a healthy glow returned to her porcelain skin… his girl was back. That alone was enough to erase some of the worry and anxiety he had been previously feeling.

They continued down the aisles, each quiet, each lost in their own thoughts.

Derek knew about Meredith's fears. He knew that she was afraid, that she thought something could happen and they wouldn't get matched with any children, that she thought that maybe, just maybe, they weren't meant to be parents. They discussed them nearly every night – both alone and with their therapist. He'd talk her down when she got hysterical, he'd kiss away her tears when she cried, and he'd reassure her every chance that he got that they were ready for this new challenge.

She was wonderful with his nieces and nephews; they all loved their Aunt Meredith. He'd been with her since she was in her M1 year – and he a first year resident at Hitchcock Medical Center near Dartmouth. They were married just after she graduated nearly five years ago. She got offered an internship in Seattle, and he got offered a residency, both by the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace, Richard Webber.

So they moved to Seattle – clear across the country, away from his family and her mother – but if anything, that only tightened the bond that Derek and Meredith had with the large extended Shepherd family.

He couldn't believe it – next summer, they'd be married five years. Five. Years.

They had always talked about having kids – five chatty children with perfect hair and bright green-blue eyes – but it had been more difficult than either of them could have ever imagined. Each time a pregnancy test came back negative, Meredith would shut down completely, and there was almost nothing that Derek could do to talk her out of it.

The first two miscarriages were difficult. They were completely devastated and their marriage almost didn't make it. She left for Boston after the second and spent a month with her mother; he took off toward Alaska for a fishing excursion. They hadn't spoken for weeks, but one weekend – thanks to Mark's prying and nagging – Meredith flew to Alaska and met Derek. They met and reconnected, talking about their experiences, and through their tears and sadness, they discovered that their love – their connection, their want and need and desire for one another – was stronger than any tragedy that could ever strike them.

The third took them by surprise. They had made it out of the first trimester – Derek doted on Meredith, insisting she cut back shifts at work and spend more time resting – and had admittedly breathed a sigh of relief. She awoke one Sunday, just before her fourteenth week, with blood everywhere. Meredith didn't even move, she couldn't even move – she just called for Derek and sobbed, letting him hold her as she cried. They stayed like that for hours before he told her that they had to see a doctor and that she had to get cleaned up.

It was then, just about two years ago, when they decided to see a specialist, a woman who quickly became a good friend of theirs. After extensive testing and failed attempts with sperm and egg donation, it was discovered that Derek had a low sperm count, and for some reason – Addison explained it all in technical terms, of course – Meredith's body just couldn't handle a pregnancy.

_ "It's rare but it happens."_

They were stressed, they were worried, they were exhausted – all of those things were constant… and all could have contributed to their infertility.

From there, they decided to see a therapist (at Addison's careful suggestion), only as another outlet for support and concerns. They were both tired… no, it was more like they were exhausted, both mentally and physically. It was beyond their control, and neither one of them were willing to risk their marriage falling apart again. With the help of their counselor, they decided to slow down with the family planning and let things happen… naturally.

That was fine for a little while. Meredith and Derek made frequent trips back East to visit with the family, often for holidays and when one of sisters or cousins had another baby. That's when Derek saw the shift – Meredith had become more motherly with his nieces and nephews, building relationships with each of them.

He fondly remembered the day that Kaitlyn, one of his youngest nieces, told him that Meredith was her favorite aunt, and that she couldn't wait to have a new baby cousin to play with…

_ "Uncle Derek!" Kaitlyn whispered, climbing onto her uncle's lap and snuggling close to his chest._

"Hi, baby," he cooed, hugging the four-year-old – Madeline's oldest – tightly. "What's up?"

She took a big breath. "Aunt Meri is so awesome, Uncle D! She played Barbies with me when Allie and Carly wouldn't… and she braided my hair all pretty! See?" the little girl inquired, looking up into her adoring uncle's eyes. He nodded as she continued, "And she got me a juice box from the cooler, and a cuppycake from the table. She is awesome!"

"Yeah," Derek replied as he looked over in Meredith's direction. He watched her for a moment – she was now playing pat-a-cake with Annabel and Matthew, Madeline's one-year-old twins. She looked up and blushed when she spotted Derek watching her, offering her a small wave. "She is."

"She's my favorite aunt," Kaitlyn gushed excitedly. "But don't tell Auntie Nancy or Aunt Kath, or Aunt Rah-rah," she whispered as an afterthought, placing her pointer finger on her pouty pink lips.

"I won't tell."

"Oh, good," she replied with a heavy, relieved sigh. "I can't wait until you have babies, Uncle D. I bet Aunt Meri would be the bestest mommy ever… and I want new baby cousins to play with!"

"Derek?" Meredith asked, her voice pulling him out of his daydreams. She was holding two sets of sheets in her hands, holding them up for Derek's opinion. "What do you think?"

He shook his head, trying to focus. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, his cheeks burning bright red. "Distracted."

"Mmm," she replied. "I can tell. Good distracted?"

"Yeah," Derek said with a smile. "What was the question?"

Meredith held the package of white crib sheets forward. "Should we do cream or white sheets for the lavender room?" She chewed on her lower lip, closely watching Derek's face for a reaction.

Derek shrugged. "Does it matter?"

He instantly regretted it.

Her face fell and tears pricked her eyes. "Of course it matters, Derek!" she defended, tossing both packages of sheets into the buggy. "Every bit of this matters!"

"I know, sweetheart," Derek murmured. "I'm sorry…"

She turned on her heel and pulled the buggy after her, tossing lavender and pale yellow accented curtains and a rug into the cart as she went. Derek sighed and quickly followed after her, picking up his pace and pushing the cart to catch up with Meredith. He hadn't meant to say it, but he did – faster than he could have stopped it.

He caught up with her at the checkout lanes, where she was angrily placing the items from her cart onto the conveyor belt. Derek followed suit as they waited in line. Meredith didn't look – or even attempt to – at him.

"Hi. Welcome to Target. Did you find everything alright today?" the cashier, whose nametag read 'Kenzey', asked.

"Fine," Meredith sighed.

Kenzey raised her eyebrows. Derek just shook his head and shrugged. "Did you have any coupons today, ma'am?"

Meredith shook her head, and Kenzey continued ringing them up in relative silence. Derek told her about the orders they had placed and she added them to their total. Meredith stomped off toward the exit.

"Dude," Kenzey said, shaking her head. "She is pissed at you. What did you do?"

Derek swiped his credit card through the keypad. "I asked her if the color of sheets for the nursery really mattered."

"Idiot," Kenzey mumbled, and Derek cocked his eyebrow in surprise. "Sorry. Of course it matters, sir. Especially to us women."

"Yeah, thanks," Derek replied.

"You better get going, dude. She'll leave you here stranded with all of this," Kenzey offered. She flipped the lightswitch on her register to 'off' and grabbed one of the carts. "I'm going on break, I can help take this out to the car, if you want?"

"Thanks," Derek replied as he placed the last of his bags in the cart.

They walked in relative silence to the SUV, where Meredith sat in the driver seat, tapping on the dashboard with her fingertips. Derek opened the hatch and, with Kenzey's help, placed his purchases into the trunk of the car. He offered her a twenty dollar bill.

"I can't take tips, sir," she replied. Meredith narrowed her eyes at Derek through the rearview mirror.

"Buy yourself some lunch," he sighed, not taking no for an answer. "Thanks for your help."

"No problem, dude," she replied, pocketing the money. "See ya around." With that, she turned and walked away. Meredith pressed the horn on the car; Derek sighed and closed the hatch before walking around the car and climbing into the passenger side of the SUV.

***

"Meredith," Derek sighed as they drove back toward the ferry in silence. They had already been to Home Depot – a silent trip, where Meredith had picked out all of the paint and light fixtures, not even bothering to ask Derek his opinion – and were now heading back home.

She glanced in his direction for only a second before returning her attention to the road ahead of her. "What?" she sighed.

"I'm sorry," Derek said softly. "Of course it matters."

"You're just saying that."

He sighed again, resisting the urge to either run his hands over his face or strangle her. She was being stubborn, and even she knew it – and that's what frustrated him the most. "You can't just be mad and shut me out over this, Meredith. It's not rational."

"Well, what had you so distracted, Derek? You didn't even hear me before I called your name five times. What were you thinking about?"

"Kaitlyn," he said with a smile.

"Your niece? Is she okay?" Concern clouded Meredith's features and she immediately softened.

"Yeah, she's fine… just thinking back to when she told me you'd be the 'bestest' mommy ever and that you were her favorite aunt."

"When did that happen?" Meredith whispered.

"A year ago, at Matty and Annabel's first birthday party," he answered, reaching out and covering Meredith's right hand with his left. He ran the pad of his thumb over the back of her hand.

Tears pooled in her emerald green eyes. She blinked them back as they reached the loading dock; she drove to the designated spot on the ferry and put the SUV into park. "Kaity really said that?"

"Yeah," Derek replied, reaching up to wipe the tear off of her cheek. "She's right, too, Mer. I can already see it, you're gonna be great. The kids… whoever they are… will be so lucky to have you."

She smiled, almost involuntarily. "I don't know what it is about you," she said, shaking her head. "I can be so pissed off at you, angry, frustrated, sad… but no matter what you do, you always know what to say to fix it."

"What can I say?" Derek teased, watching as the sparkle returned to Meredith's eye. "I'm a damn good husband."

"Even when you're being brainless," Meredith immediately quipped.

He smirked and leaned over, pressing a kiss to her lips. "Even when I'm being brainless," he replied. She smiled at him and pressed his forehead to hers…

And they remained there, in the moment, happy and … feeling accomplished. Everything was falling into place – in the next few weeks, they'd decorate the bedrooms, complete the program and interviews, and hopefully be placed with children whom they'd instantly love, cherish and maybe, someday, even adopt.

-xXx-


	5. Gravity

**So I've been holding off on updating this for a week -- the response to the last chapter was fairly underwhelming...**

But anyways, here's the next one. If you're reading, I'd really love to hear from you!!!! Thanks to those of you who do comment, it means the world!! :)

If you listen to any song in this fic… any song that's at the beginning of the update… there will be three that I highly recommend. The other two are for later – one for after they get their kids, and the other will be in the 'ending' (before the epilogue). This is the first. Check it out, Coldplay doesn't fail. Ever.

Amazing. That is all. x33

****

Chapter Four: Gravity

_Baby, it's been a long time waiting  
Such a long, long time  
And I can't stop smiling  
Oh I can't stop now  
Do you hear my heart beating?  
Oh, do you hear that sound?  
'Cause I can't stop crying  
And I won't look down_

And then I looked up at the sun  
And I could see  
Oh, the way that gravity turns on you and me  
And then I looked up at the sun  
And saw the sky  
And the way that gravity pulls on you and I  
On you and I

Gravity – Coldplay 

Within the next two weeks, becoming foster parents became less of a dream and more of a reality for Meredith and Derek. They completed the class and were going through the process of decorating the bedrooms that they had purchased all of the items for. An interview was scheduled for the following Monday, and excitement surrounded Meredith and Derek, and their large extended family (composed of both friends and actual family).

Today, their friends were coming over for a dinner to celebrate the completion of the class and for a 'last hurrah,' as Mark had deemed it, before the house was, as Cristina said, 'infiltrated by tiny, codependent people.'

Meredith stood at the doorway of the little girl's room – the one she and Derek referred to as the 'lavender room' – looking to the wall across from the closet. In baby yellow paint, the words "be extraordinary" were painted in careful cursive. Meredith thought fondly of her mother, who had always told Meredith that very message from the time she was a little girl. Meredith wiped at a stray tear – one that she didn't want to fall, but she let it slide anyways – as she thought of her mother, who had, in the last year, been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Ellis Grey was a great surgeon, a decent enough mother… but now, she'd never know Meredith's children. And that affected Meredith more than she ever imagined it would.

Her BlackBerry buzzed in her pocket, signaling a text message from Cristina.

_ "We're on our way. With booze. Barbie and Ken are bringing cake and beer."_

Meredith smiled at her friend's message and replied with a simple "OK" before dropping her phone back into her pocket. She turned and quickly bounced down the steps to join Derek and finish the preparations for the early autumn barbecue.

***

Meredith was happy now, this much was true, for everything was set into motion. Her friends – Izzie, especially – and their family had been so accepting and wonderful and helpful throughout the last month… and there wasn't a doubt in her mind that she (and Derek) wouldn't have been able to do any of this without them.

She joined Derek in the kitchen, where he was rustling through the fridge, searching for… something… for the barbecue.

"Cris, Owen, Alex and Izz are on their way," Meredith said as she sat down on the barstool.

"Mark called awhile ago – he's picking Callie and Addison up from the hospital, and then they'll be on their way."

Meredith smiled. She loved Mark, she really did – he was a good guy with even better intentions – but he was just... unlucky in love. He loved Callie, but she was completely and totally in love with George. And Addison loved him with everything she had… yet their connection didn't go further than sex.

"George won't be here until around eight…," Meredith offered with a shrug.

Derek smiled at her. "Perfect timing," he said softly. "That's when the food will be coming off the grill for dinner."

"I guess Cris has booze… and Alex has beer. And Izzie made a cake," Meredith explained with a laugh.

Derek shook his head. "Your friends are…"

"Something," she said, finishing his sentence. "They're really something. And they are your friends, too, Derek."

"I know," he replied with a smile. "They're like family."

"Exactly," Meredith said.

_Family._

Until she met Derek, family was a foreign concept for Meredith. She lived with her mother in Boston; she barely knew, or even remembered, her father. Meredith didn't even know that she had sisters – two of them! – until Molly was admitted to Grace during Meredith's intern year with pregnancy complications. By then, Ellis was already in a nursing home and lucid days were few and far between. And any hope Meredith had for reconnecting with her father was crushed when her stepmother, Susan, suddenly died from sepsis and her father turned to the bottle. Molly and her family had moved far away… so any hope for a family – a blood one, at least – was in Lexie, and with her in Medical school clear across the country… so the hope really was… gone.

Derek became her family. They dated; then she met his mother and sisters. They got engaged, and then had sex. Then they got married and moved to Seattle for their careers – everything was smooth and easy and beautiful, except for their inability to have a baby. They even got Doc, at the therapist's suggestion, as an attempt to help fill the void. And some days, it even worked. But most days, they both longed for more.

Derek's best friend, Mark, moved with them to Seattle. Meredith met Alex, George, Izzie and Cristina at an intern mixer and the five of them instantly clicked. Owen, Callie and Miranda were residents in the same group as Derek – it was almost as if their friendships were somehow predestined. They became the tightest-knit, most talented, most ambitious group of doctors to hit the hallways of Seattle Grace since Ellis Grey herself thirty years before.

"Earth to Meredith," Derek called softly, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Mmm?"

"Can you grab that tray and follow me out back?" he asked, motioning toward the tray of vegetables on the counter.

Meredith nodded and picked the tray up. She followed Derek to the backyard. As she placed the tray down, she took a deep breath and took in the sights of their view – it was almost as if the city – where they worked – and the land outside of it – where they lived and played – were in two different… worlds… instead of a ferry ride and a few miles apart.

She heard a car door slam, and Izzie's loud laugh filtered through the air. "We're here!" she heard the blonde yell.

"Come on back!" Derek replied as he stepped out onto the deck once again, this time with a tray of fruit.

Izzie and Cristina came around back first; the blonde carrying a cake box, the brunette carrying two bottles of tequila, each grinning widely at their longtime friend. Alex and Owen carried a huge cooler around back, and as the women greeted one another, Derek helped them find a place where they could store the cooler on the back porch.

Callie and Addison walked around to the backyard less than two minutes later.

"Where's Mark?" Meredith asked.

They shared a glance before answering. "You're gonna kill him," Addison offered. Callie nodded in agreement. "Wait until you see what he brought."

"Oh, no…," Meredith murmured, sending Derek a look of concern.

He nodded and walked through the house to the front yard, where Mark was impatiently honking the truck's horn. Derek yelled for Alex and Owen a moment later; Meredith's eyes widened.

"Why are we still standing here?" Cristina asked as the two men hustled toward the front of the house. "Let's go see."

***

"A swingset?" Meredith asked, raising her eyebrow in concern.

"Babe," Mark said with a proud grin. "This is like… the Crème Brûlée of swingsets," he explained. "Two swings, a glider, there's a little play hut thing… a rock climbing wall, a ladder, two slides… swingset is an insult."

"You did all this?" Meredith asked.

"Of course. Oh," he added. "I got a trampoline, too."

"Mark!" Izzie, Addison, Callie and Meredith scolded together.

"Don't worry. It's got the safety net… thing…," Mark shrugged. "I'm just doing my godfatherly duties."

"Presumptuous, that one," Owen mumbled and Alex smirked.

Meredith smiled. "Thank you, Mark. It means a lot."

And it did – all of her friends cared, that much was certain. If she hadn't known that already – which she definitely did – it would have definitely been confirmed tonight, judging by the attendance of their friends.

"Plus," he said, his cheeks a bright crimson now, "it'll be fun for us babysitters, too!" Mark howled with laughter at his own joke, and the group joined in – mostly because it probably was the truth.

***

Derek, Mark, Alex and Owen fired up the grill while Meredith, Cristina, Addison, Izzie and Callie sat around the patio table, sipping on margaritas and beer, talking, and generally enjoying one another's company.

"So, Mer," Izzie said, turning her attention – and the conversation – back to Meredith. Meredith raised her eyebrow and nodded, encouraging Izzie to continue. "The big interview is Monday? Is this the one where they inspect the house?"

"Yeah," Meredith replied, nodding her head. She placed her glass back down onto the table. "Monday at noon, we have an interview – they'll ask us questions, but mostly it's to inspect the house. They gave us a checklist, so we're kind of prepared. Once we pass inspection, we can be placed with kids…"

"So realistically, you could have kids here by Friday?" Cristina asked before sipping on her beer.

"If everything checks out perfectly."

"Oh, it will, Meredith!" Izzie gushed. "I just know it."

Addison nodded. "A lot of my patients turn to foster care and adoption if things don't work out, Meredith. I've noticed that they – the patients and the kids – are happy to have a family. It's your turn for things to go right… you're due. I believe in karma."

"You do?" Cristina, ever skeptical, asked.

"Of course," Addison nodded, and they left it at that. A comfortable silence surrounded them for a beat.

Alex joined them by the table and placed a showy kiss on Izzie's lips. "Hi," he greeted the group as he half-sat on Izzie's lap and stole a sip of her beer.

"Hi," Meredith replied with a laugh. Grateful for a chance to change the subject, Meredith asked, "So how's the wedding planning coming, you two?"

Alex rolled his eyes and half-glared at Meredith. She smiled back.

"Oh!" Izzie chirped excitedly. "Well, we picked out the hall for the reception and the church… and I have an appointment at the bridal salon one day next week… it's going well. And you all will have to help me pick out bridesmaid dresses…"

Izzie's ramble continued for quite some time – each of them, except for Cristina (of course), giving her feedback and advice.

***

George and Miranda arrived right around eight p.m., just like they said they would. The food was coming off the grill at the same time, just as Derek promised. Meredith smiled as she sipped on her margarita – yeah, this night was as perfect as it could get. They ate and talked, talked and ate, all enjoying their night off from the hospital and all enjoying spending the time together as friends instead of colleagues.

Mark and Derek were making plans with Alex, Owen and George to assemble the playscape and trampoline… and suddenly she found herself visualizing, a perfect image of her new family unfolding right before her eyes…

_It's a sunny late spring day – a Saturday in May. Both she and Derek have the day off, and they're spending it outside with the kids. Emilie is sitting in Meredith's lap, snuggled up against her chest, on the rocker swing on the back porch. Meredith is blowing bubbles, and Emilie is clapping her hands and squealing excitedly as she tries to pop them. Noah and Derek are running around, climbing through the playscape, Doc fast on their heels. Everyone's happy, everything's perfect and…_

"Earth to Meredith!" Cristina chirped. "Your phone is buzzing away."

"Oh," Meredith replied as she glanced at her BlackBerry's display. _Julia Dawson_. She quickly stood and headed into the house before answering, answering the call before it went to 'missed.'

"Shep, what's up with your wife?" Mark asked, noticing as the sliding door slid shut. "She completely zoned out for a second there."

"She's just worried…," Derek offered before taking a sip of beer. "Nervous about the interview…"

"Almost like she's waiting for something to go wrong?" Owen asked. Mark and George nodded – they knew how smoothly the process was going for their friends so far, and it was admittedly … abnormal. A welcome change, of course, but still – it was if they were waiting for the other shoe to drop, and they all knew Meredith and Derek well enough to see it, too.

Derek nodded. "Almost. Maybe I should go see…"

And with that, Derek left them all on the deck to fall back into their own conversations. He opened and closed the door quietly and took a deep breath as he stepped into the house. He listened for Meredith, and he could hear her talking – though he couldn't hear her tone of voice, whether she was happy or sad – so he headed toward the study.

He opened up the French doors and leaned up against the doorjamb, watching Meredith. She had the phone tucked beneath her ear, cradling it with her neck and shoulder, as she scribbled fiercely on a notepad at the desk. Her voice was soft, and Derek still couldn't tell if that was good or bad…

"Thank you, Julia," Meredith said into the phone. She hung up her cell phone and dropped it onto the desk. She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath, almost like a sob.

"Mer," Derek soothed – falling into 'hero mode' quickly – as he crossed the room. He placed a protective hand on her shoulder.

She moved her hands off of her face. "Derek." Her voice came out in a cracked whisper as tears lined her eyes.

"You're making me nervous…"

"Feel my heart," she replied as she stood and reached out for Derek's hand. She pressed it up against her chest; immediately, he could feel her heart beating away – _lub dub, lub dub, lub dub_.

"Good news or bad, Mer?" Derek insisted as a tear trickled down her cheek.

She smiled at him through her tears. Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. "It's only the best news … ever," she whispered.

Derek hugged her back tightly before looking down into her eyes. His eyes met hers – crystal blue on emerald green – and without words, he knew. He knew that Julia Dawson had done something. "What did she say, Meredith?"

"She said," she paused as she chewed on her lower lip, "pending the results of the inspection Monday, Noah and Emilie…"

And that was all she got out. He hugged her tightly, already knowing the rest of her sentence. He kissed her hair, her cheeks, her lips over and over again, pulling her close, holding her tightly. Yes, everything was falling into place – and if they chose to believe in karma like Addison suggested, it was about damn time. They stayed there together, their hearts aligned, a bundle of excitement and worry and racing heartbeats and melting anxiety and love and anticipation and… everything in between.

-xXx-


	6. Better Days

_Again, many, many apologies for taking so long with this, I've been such a busy girl the last few months! I hope that, even though this is mostly filler, you all like this update (and that it's semi-worth the wait. ). I definitely plan to update again soon, because the next chapter is pretty huge._

So now that you've all seen the finale (heh), Meredith having a miscarriage doesn't seem so 'impossible' now, eh? (Not that it ever was, but I know many fans probably put that idea out of the question for our favorite TV couple. ) I won't comment further on the finale, just know that I enjoyed probably the first hour and a half of it, then, IMHO, it was shot to hell. Anyways.

Here's the update. Like I said, it's mostly filler/transitional, so it's rather short. But at least it's something?

:)

**Chapter Five: Better Days**

_And you ask me what I want this year  
And I try to make this kind and clear  
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days  
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings  
And designer love and empty things  
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days_

So take these words  
And sing out loud  
Cause everyone is forgiven now  
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Better Days—Goo Goo Dolls

They passed the inspection with flying colors.

_The morning of, Meredith had obsessively cleaned the bathrooms. She started upstairs and worked her way down, bleaching the already-clean tubs and toilets. Derek cracked a window – or six – to help air it out, but she wouldn't stop until eleven thirty. Then she cleaned up after her cleaning and headed back to the bedroom to get dressed, and didn't return downstairs until noon on the dot._

That's how Derek knew she was nervous. Meredith rarely cleaned – usually it was a job he did – and never to this extent. The house was spotless, the backyard free of dog poop, the playscape and trampoline from Mark set up and ready for inspection. Everything was perfectly in order, but he knew that there was no stopping Meredith. So while she scoured and scrubbed, Derek took Doc on a walk.

He walked around the property, staying close to the house. He walked just past the new playscape and trampoline – it was a bitch to set up, it took the five men seven or eight hours and a few cases of beer to get through it all, but it was worth it – and tossed a ratty tennis ball for Doc to fetch. Derek turned and faced the house. From where he was standing, he could see the 'lavender room' – the one that he and Meredith began calling 'Emilie's room' since Julia's call two days before, purely out of optimism. The window shade – not horizontal blinds – was up; he smiled as he watched Meredith move to the window. She pressed her palm to the window and smiled; Derek raised his hand and waved. Within seconds, she was gone.

Doc nudged Derek's arm, signaling his return. Derek turned his attention to the playful mutt. "Good boy," he cooed as he knelt down to Doc's level. He petted Doc's ears; the dog happily yelped and wagged his tail.

"Ready to go in?" Derek asked Doc as he stood. Doc took off back toward the house; Derek, however, took his time walking back. He walked between the two swings – they swayed in the wind, back and forth, back and forth.

He crossed the deck and stepped into the house. As he closed the door behind him, Meredith stepped into dining room, fully dressed and perfectly coiffed and smiled. "Ready?" she asked, literally seconds before the doorbell rang.

"Ready," Derek replied as they moved together toward the front door.

The inspectors arrived just on time. After a brief interview, which mostly consisted of questions about the house, they walked the property together. They checked various points of safety, both inside and out of the house, and with a smile and some handshakes, they left, without providing Meredith and Derek with any feedback.

But Julia called them within two hours with good news. Pending Noah and Emilie's check-ups on Thursday, all systems were go, and Meredith and Derek could take the kids home. 

So now it was Thursday.

Meredith paced up and down the hallway, pausing at the doorway to peek into the clinic. Julia brought Noah and Emilie back for their check-ups, and since she and Derek were taking them home, neither of them was allowed to examine the kids. So Meredith made Izzie – the natural choice – promise to take good care of them.

"Hey," Alex said as he approached Meredith. She jumped as he placed his hand on her shoulder and gave her a protective squeeze. "Whoa."

"Sorry," Meredith replied as she turned and faced her friend.

"Big day, huh?" he asked as he stepped up to the window and peeked into the clinic. "Izzie's with the kids?"

"Yeah," Meredith said softly. "I haven't seen them yet… only very quickly as Julia ushered them in. But we're meeting with Derek in the conference room in twenty minutes…"

"Do they know that they're going home with you, Meredith?" Alex asked softly, hating to ask the question, but knowing that it was something that needed to be said.

She shook her head. "No. It's something we have to talk about after their check-ups. Alex…," Meredith paused. "Do you think that they wouldn't want…"

"No," Alex replied, cutting her off, effectively ending her sentence early. "Every kid wants to be loved, Meredith. I know that… you know that. Izzie knows that – we know that better than anyone else," he explained. "Thos kids are damn lucky to have you and Derek."

"You think so?"

"Listen, don't tell anyone I'm being all mushy here or anything – _I've got a rep to protect as the tough guy _– but," Alex said, briefly pausing. Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm so proud of you, Mer. You're doing all of this for kids… patients… little people you don't even know. You've grown up a lot since we met five years ago, Grey. I know how badly you want to have a family – and that's big for you. I remember those long talks about waiting to have kids, and about our childhoods and how... I really am proud of you."

Tears pricked Meredith's eyes. She shook her head as a single tear trickled down her cheek. She let it fall, and wrapped her arms around Alex's neck and pulled him close for a tight hug. She pressed a kiss to his clean-shaven cheek. He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you, Alex," Meredith whispered.

"Okay," he replied. "Now let me go, you're making a show," Alex teased.

"Hitting on my wife, Karev?" Derek asked as he approached the duo. Meredith rolled her eyes and Alex laughed. Derek placed a kiss on Meredith's cheek. "Are they in there?" he asked, peering into the clinic door's window.

"Derek Shepherd! Didn't anyone ever tell you that patience is a virtue?" Bailey chirped as she joined the trio, affectionately reaching up to smack him in the back of the head.

"Ow!" Derek said reflexively, though they all knew it didn't hurt him one bit. "What are you doing down here, Miranda?"

"My clinic. My residents," she offered, nonchalantly shrugging, trying to hide the mischievous sparkle in her chocolate brown eyes. "As the general surgery attending…"

"That's no excuse, Bailey. We all know why you're here," Mark chided as he sidled up to the group of four. He grinned at Miranda, who looked less than amused to have been caught by _Mark Sloan_ of all people.

"Same reason you are, I'd suspect," she replied, her tone calm and even, though she narrowed her eyes at the taller man.

He only grinned and nodded, completely unable to hide the excitement he felt for his best friend. _This was really happening._ And as the group of five grew to seven, and then nine – all of them talking and chattering and hoping – the excitement and nervousness and anticipation Meredith had been feeling all morning multiplied and almost overwhelmed her.

In fact, she almost felt dizzy, and she was about to tell Derek as much when Izzie pushed the clinic's swinging doors open and smiled at the group of doctors.  
"Izz," Meredith said softly, carefully eyeing the blonde, looking to see if anything was wrong. "Everything okay?"

Izzie nodded. "Everything's perfect. The kids look great. Noah's arm is healing nicely; everything otherwise is… _fine_," she said with a smile, eyeing her friends, choosing her words wisely. "Go on, you two, Miss Dawson wants to speak with you briefly in the conference room before she brings the kids in. Everyone else…," she paused as Miranda narrowed her eyes at the blonde. Izzie crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't you have work to do?"

And with that, the crowd dispersed… for Izzie was right, if anything, Meredith and Derek needed privacy. They walked down the hallway together—hand in hand, heart to heart—ready to meet with Julia and the kids… and take that next step toward becoming a family… together.


	7. Welcome To Wherever You Are

**Chapter Six: Welcome to Wherever You Are**

_Be who you want to, be who you are  
Everyone's a hero, everyone's a star  
When you wanna give up, and your heart's about to break  
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes_

Welcome to wherever you are  
This is your life, you made it this far  
Welcome, you gotta believe  
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be  
Welcome, to wherever you are

-Bon Jovi: Welcome to Wherever You Are

Meredith took a slow, deep breath and smiled at Derek; he supportively squeezed her hand and returned the sentiment. They were alone—the silence was almost deafening, nothing but the sound of her wildly-beating heart and steady breaths in her ears. Julia had briefly caught them up on Noah and Emilie's medical charts—bruises were healed or healing, they were each steadily gaining some weight, though she was still concerned about Emilie. Now they were just waiting…_ again_… for her to bring the kids in to see them.

The door opened slowly—and Meredith swore her heart skipped a beat. The little boy shyly peeked around the corner of the door, his big, brown eyes lighting up when he saw Meredith. He grinned—and tears filled Meredith's eyes; the little boy _already_ looked so different. Healthier. Happier. Even his missing top teeth were growing in. She wiped a stray tear away and stood.

"Hi, Noah," she cooed. Derek stood too, squeezing her shoulder protectively as the little boy eyed them up and down. "Do you remember me?"

"Meredith," he replied—and her heart swelled again. _He remembered her._

"Are you feeling better, bud?" Meredith asked. Noah nodded and smiled. "This is my husband, Derek," she explained as Derek extended his hand to the little boy. Noah took Derek's hand and shook it.

"You've got a good handshake there, Noah," Derek said softly, already falling in love with the little boy, already visualizing their future as a family—_little league games, family photographs, graduations_.

"Noah," Julia said softly as she entered the room. She carried Emilie in her arms—though the little girl was still underweight for her age, she did look better, healthier… just like her brother. The toddler buried her head in Julia's shoulder, covering her face—clearly overwhelmed. Meredith smiled. "Why don't you take a seat, next to Meredith over there, and we can have a little chat," Julia explained. "Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah," Noah replied, taking Meredith's hand—surprising her, he trusted her already—and pulling her back to the table to take their seats.

"Dr. Shepherd, why don't you hold Emilie?" Julia offered. She kissed the toddler's golden curls and whispered a soothing sentiment into her ear before handing her off to Derek. "There," she said as she walked around the conference table to sit across from the _family of four_.

Emilie immediately snuggled up to Derek—he placed a kiss atop her hair, breathing in that sweet toddler scent, a scent that he'd smelled many times before with his nieces and nephews… yet somehow, this time was different. _This was his girl._

"So, Noah," Julia said before pausing briefly. "How are you liking your new school?" she asked, though she already knew the answer: he was adjusting very well to the new private school environment—one that focused on the individual child, one that Meredith, Derek and Julia all knew that he, with his already-delayed education, needed—and learning and mastering material quickly.

"It's awesome!" Noah replied. He looked up to Meredith and smiled. "Kindergarten is so much fun! We learn colors, and numbers, and how to write our names," he explained.

Derek squeezed Meredith's hand—he was a year behind, and unfortunately, they weren't surprised… for 'the situation' (as it had been dubbed) was sad, at best. Meredith offered Noah a supportive smile, and Julia nodded along.

"Really, by you two offering to send him there, even before," Julia explained casually, careful not to let the 'surprise' slip. "Well, it was the best thing you could have done for him."

"Miss Julia, why are we visiting with Meredith and Derek?" Noah asked barely a moment later, bouncing slightly in his seat.

"Well…"

Unable to hold her excitement—and if she were being honest, her nervousness—back another moment, Meredith said, "Noah. How would you like it if you stayed with Derek and me?"

"You mean at your house?" he asked, glancing back and forth between Julia and Meredith.

"Yeah," Meredith replied as Julia encouragingly nodded. "You'd have your own room… it's really close to your school. Our backyard has a really cool swingset, and a trampoline," she explained.

Noah nodded and smiled. Then he frowned. "But what about Emilie?" he asked, glancing to his baby sister, whose head was buried in Derek's chest, her thumb securely in her mouth.

"Emilie would come, too. She has her own room," Derek quickly explained.

"So we wouldn't have to share a room?"

"Nope," Julia said with a smile. "Meredith and Derek have decorated your rooms really nicely. Yours is especially cool," she added with a wink.

"No bunk beds?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Meredith laughed nervously. "No. You have your own big bed. With guard rails, since you're such a roly poly," she teased as she reached out and tickled the little boy, careful to avoid his still-healing ribs.

"Cool," he said with a smile.

"So what do you think, Mr. Noah?" Julia asked. "Do you think living with Meredith and Derek would be a good idea?"

He paused and glanced back and forth between Meredith and Derek. "Can we get dinosaur chicken nuggets? Miss Tracy never let us, she said they were too 'spensive. But I think they taste the best," Noah animatedly explained.

"If dinosaur chicken nuggets are what you want, then that's what you'll get," Derek replied, and the little boy's eyes lit up. "We'll get you all the foods you like, we don't want you or your sister to be hungry. You have to eat fruits and vegetables, too, though."

Noah nodded and smiled. "Miss Julia, I think we have a deal!"

"You do, do you?"

"Yeah!" He exclaimed, nodding again.

Unexpected tears filled Meredith's eyes. Derek reached out and squeezed her shoulder supportively as a tear trickled down her cheek. She wiped at it haphazardly and cleared her throat, hoping that Noah didn't notice. But he did.

"Meredith, why are you crying?" he asked, concern—and almost-fear—evident on his features. He looked to Julia for help. "Do you have a tissue, Miss Julia? Meredith?"

"Happy tears," Meredith choked out. "I promise they're happy tears."

"Why are you crying if you're happy?" Innocence soaked every word of his question. Meredith's heart swelled again. "Meredith, why are you…"

"We're just happy that you want to come stay with us," Derek quickly explained. Meredith nodded along and sniffled as Julia handed her a tissue. "We've waited a long time for this, and … we're so… happy, and excited," he paused, holding eye contact with the little boy.

"Oh," Noah replied softly. "Do you have butterflies?"

"Yeah," Meredith replied, nodding her head. "I do have some butterflies. But they're happy, excited butterflies."

"Not throw up butterflies?" he asked, his tone so serious that Meredith nearly laughed.

"Not throw up butterflies," she reassured him.

"Cool."

Julia smiled. "Meredith, Derek… I'll have you guys sign some papers here, and then we can start processing everything. Then we can go out to the van, and get their stuff… and you guys can go home."

"We'll have to stop at the store to get some dinosaur chicken nuggets and some other things first," Meredith said as Julia handed her a pen and pushed a stack of papers toward her. Noah and Derek grinned—_already identical father and son grins._

"Then, we can go home."

-xXx-

After signing the papers, and getting the kids and their meager belongings settled into the new family-safe minivan, Meredith and Derek stopped at the local supermarket. Noah held Meredith's hand firmly in his as they walked through the store, pointing out foods he liked. Emilie was immediately smitten with Derek; she held her eyes on his and kept one hand over his as he pushed the shopping cart down the aisles after Meredith and Noah. She curled her other hand into a fist, her thumb again in her mouth, and gently kicked her legs back and forth from her seat in the buggy—and Derek smiled, for both were habits he had when he was her age.

They picked out a combination of healthy and not-so-healthy foods for a week's worth of breakfasts, lunches and dinners (and snacks). Noticing that Emilie was getting tired, Derek suggested that they take the groceries home and get everything settled. Before Meredith could protest—"but they need new clothes, Derek"; he knew her well—he explained that there was always tomorrow… and there was.

-xXx-

Noah chattered away in the car as Derek drove; he talked about school, the new friends he was making, and how excited he was for the 'dino-nuggets.' Emilie was fading in and out of consciousness, her eyes fluttering open and closed as her thumb found its way back into her mouth. Meredith laughed and joked with Noah, entertaining him on the ferry, and Derek couldn't help but think _"she's a natural."_

When they arrived at the house, Noah turned silent. He sat back in his booster seat and placed his hands in his lap. He stared out the window.

"Hey… why so quiet all the sudden?" Meredith asked as she turned in her seat and reached out behind her and squeezed his foot—_he'd need new shoes, too._

"We're here," Noah said softly. Derek raised his eyebrow at the little boy through the rearview mirror. The gravel on the driveway crunched beneath the tires. "We have to be quiet in houses," he explained.

"Not here," Meredith replied. "The rules are different here, buddy. You don't have to be completely silent, Noah."

"Oh," he replied, and the little boy's bright, half-toothless smile returned to his face. "What are the rules?"

"The rules…," Meredith said, glancing at Derek.

Derek shrugged as he put the van into 'park' in its place in the garage. "The rules… we'll make those up as we go along. We're learning too, Noah. We can all help each other," Derek said with a smile.

Meredith nodded in agreement, for it was the truth. They _all_ were learning, and they'd each have to depend on one another to make their new life as a _family_ work. Derek turned the car off, and Meredith and Derek stepped out of their seats. The automatic minivan doors opened; Derek unbuckled Noah from his booster seat and helped him hop down, while Meredith scooped Emilie up from her carseat, trying not to wake her.

Derek enlisted Noah's help, handing him two of the seven grocery bags to carry into the house. Meredith took Emilie inside and placed her on the oversized chair in the living room, covering her with the fleece throw from the couch. She then returned to the garage to help Derek and Noah bring the rest of the groceries and the kids' duffel bags in.

"Once we put everything away, Noah, we can give you the tour," Meredith said with a smile.

"Cool!" he replied, gently setting the bag with the eggs and milk down on the kitchen table. "Hey, Meredith, I thought you said you had a dog? Where is he?" he asked, walking over to the place where Doc's dog bed was in the hallway near the laundry room.

"He's at our friends for tonight," Derek replied. "We'll get him tomorrow after we go shopping for new clothes and shoes. We didn't want to overwhelm you and your sister."

"Overwhelm?" Noak asked as he returned to the kitchen.

Derek laughed as Meredith handed him some of the fruits and vegetables to put into the refrigerator. "You know… too many changes in one day… it can be kind of scary, if you're not expecting it," he explained.

"I'm not scared," Noah replied honestly as he reached into the bag and handed Meredith a can of corn. "I'm not scared of anything!" he said proudly.

Meredith smiled, believing him (he was a fighter, through and through), as she fished the last of the canned goods out of the reusable grocery bag. She placed the cans into the cupboard and clapped her hands together. "Noah, I'll show you the house… Derek can make dinner and keep an eye on your sister. Sound good?" she asked as she held her hand out to the little boy.

"Yep," he replied, taking her hand in his.

"Okay," Meredith said happily, a sparkle so bright in her eyes that Derek swore he fell in love with her all over again—something he hadn't even known was possible. "First stop, Noah's room!" she said as she scooped Noah's black duffel bag up with her other hand.

Noah grinned as he glanced back to Derek, and then back at Meredith, as he followed her toward the stairs. They tiptoed past the chair, where Emilie—thumb in mouth—was still napping, careful not to make any noise.

"Okay," Meredith said as they reached the top of the stairs, hand in hand. "Your room is right… over… here!" she exclaimed as she opened the door to the 'blue room.'

Noah's jaw dropped in surprise. "Wow!" he yelled, dropping Meredith's hand. She smiled down at him as he ran toward the bed. "I love cars! This is so cool!"

"Over here, you have your closet…," Meredith said as she crossed the room. She opened the closet door and set the battered duffel bag inside. "We can unpack later," she added with a wink.

"This room is AWESOME!" the little boy said excitedly, bouncing up and down on his heels.

"We'll get you some new clothes and toys tomorrow when we go out shopping," Meredith said softly. "We didn't know for sure what you liked, so this way you can pick out your own things."

"Really?" he asked, surprising Meredith once again. "I never got to pick out my own stuff before, Meredith!"

"Well," Meredith paused, unsure of exactly what to say—_there was a definite learning curve, one that they still (quite obviously) needed to figure out._ She thought about pulling him close in a protective mama-bear-hug to tell him that she'd never let him down, but decided it was too much—especially for day one—even if it were the truth.

Instead, she smiled. "It's different now, bud. How about we go check out the bathroom that you and Emilie will share, then we can see her room… see if we earn the big brother stamp of approval… ," Meredith explained with a wink. Noah smiled. "Then we can check out the backyard. By then, those dinosaur chicken nuggets you requested will probably be ready."

"Rawr!" he grinned, making clawing motions with his hands. Meredith laughed as she tickled him and then led him out of the room—hand in hand, of course—already falling more in love with the little boy who was moving into their home and joining their family… _the little boy whom she rescued from the often-unfair foster care system and a lifetime of God-only-knows-what-else._

Little did she realize, he and his sister were rescuing her (and Derek), too.


End file.
